The Day After

I had the energy to "do" the holiday, but I am resting a lot today.
The best of the holiday for me was Christmas morning, waking up with all the girls in the house, opening gifts and just hanging out together. It was fun to hear them all get ready in the same bathroom again, too. I guess for a mom the best times are when all her chicks are in the nest, no matter how old they are.
I am getting the hang of doing my own lymphedema massage at home. Twice a week is required, but I am doing some extra - can't hurt!
We are beginning to prepare to leave for Gulf Shores in a couple of days.
I hope your New Year is happy and healthy!
Jan

Merry Christmas!

I woke up this a.m. feeling like I've got the energy I need for the next two days, which is an answer to prayer.
Last evening Emily, Katie, Bryan and I celebrated Christmas Eve Eve by going to Buckhead's and renting a movie to watch at home. We had a nice time just hanging around.
Today we will attend the Christmas Eve service at 3:00 with all my family (20+). Then we will spend the evening at my parents' home exchanging gifts. Sarah will come home with us and the girls will sleep under the Christmas tree.
Tomorrow is brunch and a gift exchange at my sister-in-law's home (Teri). In the evening we return to my parents' for a traditional Christmas dinner, games and "white elephant".
The girls have baked and decorated the most beautiful cookies. I watched as Katie arranged the basket this morning to take to Mom's. We put one of each kind in the freezer in a ziploc bag for me to thaw and eat when I know that my taste buds are right again.
I am grateful to be alive this Christmas!
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas spent with people you love.

Lymphedema Wrap

The gauntlet and sleeves I ordered are not fitting well enough to keep me from swelling, so Wednesday morning I went and had my hand and arm wrapped tightly in order to bring down swelling that has continued to occur. This morning I went and had my hand and arm unwrapped and they were small enough to remeasure me for new garments which should be in in about 3 weeks. They are custom-made in Germany. I have been given temporary garments to wear in order to keep down the swelling. Please pray that my new gauntlet and sleeve will fit well, and that the swelling will stay down while I am in temporary garments, so that I do not have to be wrapped again. It is bulky like a cast from fingertips to shoulder, and really limits what I am able to do. The therapist has done a manual drainage massage twice this week, and I can continue to do it at home to help the situation.

Emily is staying with us over the holidays and I am really enjoying having her here, as are Bryan and Katie.

My mother-in-law is a hit at assisted living. They like for her to play the piano in the activities center, and she is making lots of friends.

I'm Done!

At the end of my 6th and last chemo on Wednesday, December 12th, the nurses threw confetti on me and gave me a certification of completion - finally! Today is day 5 and I am weak, but this one has not been as bad as the others.
The girls all came out and baked Christmas cookies yesterday (Saturday). They used our traditional recipes in smaller quantities, so we have cookies now! It was fun to listen to them working together, watching Pride and Prejudice and chatting from my position on the couch by the tree. My job was to guard the tree from Tatiana, our black mini-schnauzer. She has learned that she can drink water from under the tree.
Sarah had to go on home after the baking, but last night Emily and Katie played the piano and sang Christmas carols. We had a fire and watched "Elf".
Things can only look up from here!
On another note: my mother-in-law moved into assisted living the same day I had chemo, and she is loving it. Meals, new friends, etc. I am happy that she is happy there.

Preparing for #6

I haven't written much - I am still fatiqued from the last chemo.
I did get to go to Locust Grove one evening for a candlelight tour. I enjoyed the movie "Enchanted" with my girls, my mom, my sister MaryAnn, her two girls, and Emily's friend, Regina. I was also able to go to my husband's men's group Christmas dinner party.
Other than that, I have started to just give in to the fatigue, knowing that this is not going to be much longer. I can pretty much quote you the TV schedule (network and a couple of cable stations) even though I've never cared much for TV. Reading doesn't work well for me, because I fall asleep! I have enjoyed listening to music on my i-pod shuffle and some Christmas music on my portable radio and CD player.
I have to give major kudos to Bryan. He is cleaning the house every weekend, catching up any laundry that I can't get to, going to the grocery, chauffering me to doctors' appts. (along with Katie and Mom), etc. He also makes me food on the weekends if I am too weak to do it myself. He has been a husband extraordinaire!
Once again, my prayer request is for a mild #6. I am grateful for chemo, but not wanting to "go through the valley" of the five or so days afterward. Just one more time!
Thanks for being faithful to pray.
Jan

A Great Day Before Chemo #6/The Beach House

On Sunday, the girls all came to the house, along with Hunter, for lunch after church. Everyone worked together, and the tree and the house were decorated in couple of hours. The only difference in our tradition was that we usually cut the tree instead of buying from a lot, but the rain prevented our going out to a u-cut farm, and we knew that we could not get everyone together again at another time. The group all stayed to watch a movie and "hang out". I even read a couple of Christmas stories to the girls while sitting by the tree, which was very much reminiscent of our early home schooling days. Sarah brought Oni, the whippet, along, and she was lots of fun for everyone to play with. The "party" didn't end until about 10 p.m. It was a wonderful day.

I am still very fatigued from the last chemo, and hoping that the next one will be milder.

We have been offered a free week at a beach house at Fort Morgan near Gulf Shores the week following Christmas. This is the man we usually rent from in June when my mom takes the daughters and all our children. When Mom called to book for June 2008, he asked about the family, and she told him about my diagnosis, which was new at that time. Either his mom or mother-in-law is a breast cancer survivor, and he offered this week as a reward for me for finishing chemo.

At the time we go, I will be near my third week out of the last chemo, but that does not mean that I will feel "normal" yet. I am praying that the last chemo will be mild, and that I will gain enough strength for the trip. All I really "have" to do is sit by the ocean during the day and go out to eat at night, but there is some sightseeing planned, and I would like to go with the group if I could. Thanks for prayers for strength and renewed energy!

I am supposed to feel better 4 - 6 weeks after the last chemo, and begin to grow hair. I am told that it typically comes in curly, which will be a change for me. Should be interesting to see!

I get my radiation markings on January 14th, my port comes out January 16th, and I begin radiation January 21st. I am making progress!
Jan

Radiation

I met with my radiation oncologist yesterday. I will begin radiation on January 14th, which is the same day my oldest daughter turns 24! Actually, I will only get "marked" that day for the radiation and start a few days later. Dr. Stoll says that I will need 33 treatments. I will go every day Monday through Friday and finish in early March. I cannot swim until radiation is over because of the markers, but I plan to start doing some walking to begin to build my strength.
Dr. Seeger, my oncologist, says I will feel better 4 - 6 weeks after the last chemo, so I am hoping to begin driving again and drive myself to the radiation center.
I am also scheduling to get my port out before I start radiation. That will be a good thing. My port is placed in a tight spot and it is sometimes uncomfortable. It also tends to stay bruised. Losing it will be a sign that I am making progress, so I am ready!
The lympedema has subsided considerably, but as soon as my gauntlet (handpiece) that goes with my sleeve arrives, I will be wearing it throughout radiation.
I am still very weak from last week, but hope to get some energy before the next and LAST chemo!

Back from Chemo #5

This chemo seemed to be the worst yet - I don't know why. Today is day 6 and I am just "coming back". This treatment was accompanied by a severe depression. I will need to pray for extra courage to go back on Dec. 12 for the last one.
I did not go to my husband's family on Thanksgiving. I slept through most of the last few days. Sarah did come and spend a couple of nights, and Emily spent a night, too, so I could hear the girls laugh, watch movies, and knit, even if I couldn't participate.
One bonus to the rest was that my lymphedema arm got a great rest, and it looks pretty much like my other arm. I will need to put the sleeve back on as I get active again.
My grandfather also passed away during this chemo. He died Saturday, November 24th about midnight. Please pray for traveling mercies for my parents, who are driving today to Winston-Salem, NC for the funeral. I am sorry not to be able to go.
I think this is harder for me right now because I love to do a big Christmas - I usually bake about 700 cookies for everyone I know, and we cut a live tree and decorate lots. I also send out lots of Christmas cards, and I like choosing just the right gifts for friends and family. I will be "limping along" this Christmas, but several people have reminded me that chemo means that there will be a next Christmas. I just need to look at the end result. Easier said than done.
I am hoping that my girls will be a big help with decorating and baking this year, and I hope to enlist Bryan with some shopping and wrapping.
I am thankful that I am alive and that I do have the hope of many Christmases to come.

More Fun Before Chemo #5

Yesterday was my birthday. In the morning, I got some new clothing - a lymphedema sleeve and glove! In the afternoon, I got a massage - lymphedema instructions and demonstration of how to do the massage at home at least twice weekly! Now how much more fun could a girl have? Oh, and over the phone my dad sang his traditional happy birthday song to me - I wish I could add audio to this entry!
In the evening, Bryan and two of the girls took me out to dinner along with my mother-in-law, Jean. I received some really nice gifts and Sarah brought out her new whippet puppy to meet "Grammy Jan". (I guess that's the best I'll do for a few years in the grandma department - since no one is married, it's a good thing). The puppy is named Oni, which means "wanted" in Egyptian. Sarah got her from a rescue shelter, so it is appropriate.
Tonight my mom and dad took all the sisters out for dinner. Jennifer's birthday is also this week, and Becky's is early in December, so we celebrated three birthdays. MaryAnn will get her own celebration in January. It was fun to visit with my "original" family.
Tomorrow is chemo #5, and I am actually ready. It means the sooner I get to #6, and the sooner I finish. I am told that I will start to feel better four to six weeks after the final chemo, and that I will start to grow hair.
Bryan's brother, Eric, and his wife, Denise, are hosting the Veal Thanksgiving on Thursday, and I plan to go if possible. I usually am able to be up and around a little the day after chemo.
Emily is going to Paducah with Hunter for Thanksgiving. It is the first time one of my girls has been away for a holiday, so it seems a little strange, but I am happy for Hunter. I don't think he has had a Thanksgiving at home with his family since he started playing football for UL. He celebrated with us last year, but he loves his family and is a homebody by nature, so I know he will have a great Thanksgiving this year. Pray for traveling mercies.
Thanks again for calls, cards, e-mails, etc. Not a day goes by but that someone lets me know I'm in his or her thoughts and prayers.
My grandfather is still lingering, but they think his time is near. Please keep the family in your prayers.

Lymphedema/Fun Before Chemo #5

I have had a little bit of a setback. I have been diagnosed with lymphedema, which is a result of having lymph nodes removed from under my right arm during my surgery. Seven of twelve nodes were cancerous; twelve were removed for the testing.
Lymphedema is a condition where the lymph fluids cannot move through the arm correctly - it is like a "traffic jam" of lymph fluid in my right arm and hand. There is no cure for lymphema - it is a lifetime condition that has to be managed to be kept under control. The arm swells and dries out, and if not controlled, the swelling remains permanent and the skin turns hard.
Monday I am to be fitted for a compression sleeve that goes from my shoulder down to my hand with sections that cover my fingers down to my second knuckles. I will also be taught how to do massage therapy to help move the fluids to other parts of my body. I am to wear this sleeve during all waking hours throughout the rest of my chemo and radiation - until March. Then I will try to wean myself from the sleeve. It still needs to be worn when I do housework, gardening, exercising, on long car trips and for airplane travel. I also cannot use hot tubs, saunas, hot baths or hot showers, and heat and sun are to be avoided. Repetitive movements, such as computer, mandolin, and piano may aggravate the condition. Gloves have to be worn for all housework and dishwashing. Any scratches or bug bites have to be reported to the doctor. I can lift nothing over 15 pounds with my right arm. Manicures are out.
Needless to say, I was very discouraged to hear that many of the things I enjoy doing may have to be foregone or at least done only moderately. The specialist told me that some people have to wear these sleeves continually for the rest of their lives, but I am praying that that will not be the case for me. I am hoping that if I wear the sleeve diligently throughout the rest of my treatments, I can get the condition under control and then use the sleeve as needed.
I have had some good cries this weekend, but I am determined to "get over it" and move on and do what I have to do.
Please pray that I will be able to manage this without making the sleeve a permanent part of my everyday life.
On a much lighter note, my fun before chemo #5 is that my mom is having our Thanksgiving tomorrow, on Sunday, when I will have the most energy and the best taste buds. I have my next chemo on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, so it would be more difficult for me to really enjoy the day. I think it is great of my whole family to do this for me!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Computers!

When I was in elementary and junior high school, the NASA space program was in full swing, and computers were a large part of the program. I remember teachers saying that one day we would all have computers in our home and use them in our everyday lives. I could only picture the huge computers that took up entire rooms in the coverage on NASA, and wondered how something like that could be a part of my everyday life. No one knew anything about the concept of the internet at that time, at least to my knowledge.

Well, this past week I learned that I depend very much on the computer for my everyday life. I woke up Saturday and went to check for Katie's ACT score. We are waiting on that score to add to her transcript, which is stored in our computer, along with her essay and reading lists, and - well, you get the idea - pages of documents. When the score appears online, everything gets printed out and sent to the colleges for "early decision" by December 1st.

I turned on my computer Saturday morning, only to realize that my screen had "died". After speaking with several different sources, it was determined that my best choice was to create an external hard drive with the hard drive from my "dead" computer, purchase a new computer, and move everything over so that Katie's information would be available to send out in a timely way. This pretty much consumed Saturday, but I was grateful that I had the financial resources and the energy to make the switch.

Other news -

Sarah had her procedure today and all went well. She spent last night and will spend tonight with us to rest up. She will return to work on Wednesday.

We are still waiting for news of my grandfather.

My mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer's, has decided of her own accord to move to assisted living. Please pray for my husband and his brothers as they help her find the right facility.

I have developed a case of lymphedema in my right arm. I need to elevate and massage it, and I have been referred to a lymphedema specialist for an evaluation. This is something I will need to learn to manage for the rest of my life because of the lymph nodes that were removed. I am used to doing a lot with my hands, and I like to garden, paint (walls), move furniture, etc. I will have to learn to pace myself and ask for help with these tasks.

It seems that the lessons from breast cancer will continue for a long time.

Thanks for calls, prayers, cards, and e-mails.
Jan

My Grandfather

My dad's dad, Robert Speas, aged 90 years old, has decided as of yesterday to stop his dialysis treatments. He lives in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He has just come back from the hospital to his nursing facility and he wants no more medical intervention. He is also a diabetic, and was in the hospital for pneumonia.
I met my grandfather for the first time when I was in my early thirties, and all three of my children had been born. He and my grandmother were high school sweethearts who divorced after the birth of my father. We did not meet him until after the death of his second wife.
It was nice to get to know him - he and my dad look so much alike and have many mannerisms in common. Although I did not grow up knowing him as Grandpa, there is a very special place in my heart for him, and he will not be forgotten.
It is difficult for me to think of him lying there and waiting to pass away. I ask that you would pray for him and his family (he had two sons by his second marriage). I would especially ask for prayer that he has accepted or will accept Christ as his Savior.
Thanks,
Jan

Home from Chemo #4!

Four down and two to go. I am headed to the couch shortly. I take steroids the day before, the day of, and the day after each chemo, and I think they give me a little extra energy. Bryan and I have rented two movies (optimistically, maybe?) for the evening. They're due back in a week, so it's OK if I can't keep my eyes open tonight.

Katie is leaving this afternoon to camp out overnight with a group (some homeschool friends and her cousin Zack Murphy under the supervision of Denise/Daryl Manias and David/Lisa Baird) at Mammoth Cave, and to do the Wild Cave Tour tomorrow. It is a challenge she has been wanting to take for a couple of years. Please pray for traveling mercies and safety in the cave for the group. She will return home tomorrow evening, and I am looking forward to hearing all about her adventures.

On a (very) sad note: I just found out that a granddaughter (Makayla) of a choir member died Thursday night after a long battle with cancer. She was 7 years old. I know that the family would appreciate your prayers.

I may also be contacting the daughter of a friend of another choir member with her permission. This daughter has had a double mastectomy and feels "worthless". Please pray that if this opportunity occurs, that I will have the right words to say. This is the first time I will have talked with someone who needs encouragement. I have received so much, that I want to be able to help someone else if I can. It will probably help me more than it will her.
Jan

Fun #2 Before Chemo #4

My sister, MaryAnn Halloway, hosts a family party at her home every year on Halloween. They live in a large neighborhood and lots of kids go door-to-door. MaryAnn and Tony serve chili to the family, we all bring a side dish and EVERYONE dresses up. Some of the grownups go door-to-door with the trick-or-treaters, and some grownups stay at the house to hand out candy. When everyone returns, we eat chili and hang out for the evening. The photo at the top is Katie's carved pumpkin from the patch we visited on Sunday. The photo below the pumpkin is of our family - Katie (teen girl), Bryan (strange dentist), me (G.I. Jane), Paul (cobweb guy), Sarah (cat), Emily (queen chess piece), and Hunter (knight chess piece).

This picture is of my sisters and me - Becky (Mr. Peanut), MaryAnn (Thing 1 - Dr. Seuss) Jennifer (Thing 2 - Dr. Seuss), and me (G.I. Jan). The cute centipede in the foreground is Savannah, my niece that I kept full-time from the time she was six weeks old until June of this year - she is a sweetie and I miss her. The "old woman" sitting on the porch to hand out candy is my dad! (And you thought they saw strange things out at Waverly Hills!)

I go tomorrow for Chemo #4, and I would give anything not to go another round. My fatigue seems to be cumulative and without a break. I continue to get irritated by my ability to do not much more than sleep. I still have some pain from my surgery, and I cry alot out of frustration at my situation and from some depression. But as I looked around at my family last night, I realized that this is why I went through surgery, why I will go through chemo, and why I will go through radiation. I want to enjoy many more years with this wonderful family with which God has blessed me.

Thanks for your prayers, cards, e-mails, and calls.

Jan

Fun #1 Before Chemo #4

I rested and prayed all morning that God would allow me to participate in a fall family tradition - and He did!
My sisters, their husbands, most of the cousins, and Glenn and Tyleen Stoutt (Jennifer's in-laws) met at the Shelbyville McDonalds for a quick lunch. Then we headed out to Gallrein Farms outside of Shelbyville to ride behind the tractor out to the field to pick the perfect pumpkin. The little ones rode ponies, everyone enjoyed the petting zoo, and most of the group went through the corn maze.
The photo to the left shows Katie, Emily, and Sarah with me after they had each selected their pumpkin.

The bottom photo is of the girls at the petting zoo with a llama. A day like this does wonders for me, even though it wears me out. It really keeps my spirits up and helps me to prepare for the next chemo.

Unfortunately, my parents had to miss because my grandfather, Robert Speas, has been hospitalized in North Carolina. He is a diabetic on dialysis and now he has contracted pneumonia. We would appreciate your prayers for him.

Doctor Visit/Celebration!

I saw my plastic surgeon today, and he agreed that I was very swollen, but that he could do nothing about it. It may have to do with the chemo treatments. I do have a binder that I can wear around my waist that reduces the pain and swelling temporarily, but it is really just a matter of time before the swelling goes down. He did say that I looked "on track" otherwise. I was concerned about another small surgical procedure that I may need to repair a cosmetic problem caused by the drains near the lymph node site under my right arm, but Dr Noel said that he would do nothing until six months after radiation is over in February, which puts me into August of 2008. Radiation evidently changes the skin and it needs time to heal afterwards. He seemed to think that it was still possible that this cosmetic problem would resolve itself by that time. When I say cosmetic, I am not concerned just about appearance - I wouldn't bother if it was strictly appearance. This is actually a large roll of extra skin that won't allow me to put my right arm down straight at my side.

My celebration is for our daughter, Emily, who has just found out that she has been selected to go to Greece for two weeks in May with sixteen students (total) from the Honors Program at UL! One of her roommates, Jessi Harre, has also been selected. This semester they will study the art and architecture of the sites they will visit, specializing in one of the five sites on the itinerary. When they actually go to Greece, they will teach the others in the group about their "specialty site". Congratulations, Jessi and Emily!

The Weekend

Bryan was away all weekend running, but I had lots of time visiting with my girls, which was fun.
All three girls were at the house Saturday, and we went to lunch at a Mexican restaurant. My taste buds are pretty much "the pits" right now, but it was fun to have all the girls together. I came home and "napped up" for church on Saturday. I came home and "napped up" some more, and then I actually went out to an evening movie - a first since chemo - with Katie, Emily, and Hunter. We saw "Dan in Real Life", which was pretty good. It was lots of fun to be out with everyone in the evening - I've not done much of that for awhile!
On Sunday, Sarah and Katie and I hung out and ate and watched movies - it's always a treat to be with the girls.
Today I went for my CBC, and once again my hemoglobin had dropped below an adequate level, so I finally got my shot of Aranesp (newer than Procrit). I will get a shot every three weeks until my chemos are over. My white count and platelets are fine.
This last chemo has not been as exhausting as the first two, but my taste buds are taking a long time to return to some sense of "normal". It is hard to find things to eat and drink that taste good. I have bought several food items and then given them away because they pretty much taste like dirt - and I'm talking Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, of all things! In January, I'll be at the store everytime the "hot" sign is on!
I am still having trouble with lots of swelling from my surgery, and it is very painful! I would appreciate prayer for that to go away. I see my plastic surgeon on Wednesday, so hopefully he will have some ideas about how I can manage it.
As always, your cards, e-mails, and prayers keep me going.
Jan

Update on Sarah

Sarah's procedure was postponed due to her having better insurance coverage at her new job, Passport Health. She has a pre-procedure appt. on November 1 and her procedure is now on Nov. 12. She is struggling some with her health and still trying to be great at her new job, so prayers for energy and good health would be appreciated.

Coming Back

I am starting to come back after Chemo #3. I was thrilled that no one went to the hospital, was robbed, or mauled by a large dog during this chemo. (See While I Was Sleeping).
Day Three is usually my worst day, and it wasn't too bad, so I thought I was getting by with something - then Day Four proved to be the day this time. That was yesterday, and I was basically motionless for the day. I have a hard time with this motionless "thing" - I don't do it well. While I was motionless, I thought of all the things I want to do when my treatments are over and I regain my energy.
I will be grateful to get up to an alarm, shower, eat breakfast, and have a regular day. I will be grateful to give my house a really good cleaning and decluttering, reorganize these "empty nest" rooms, do my laundry, weed my garden, and cook things that will actually taste yummy when I eat them! I will be grateful to eat at some of my favorite restaurants again. I will be grateful to get in my car and drive to Walmart and walk around as long as I want without thinking how far it is to walk to the entrance of the store or my car. I will be grateful for no bad hair days - it can't be possible to have bad hair days once you've been bald. I will be grateful when my body has recovered enough that I can feel fairly normal and walk and swim laps again - I miss the water terribly. I will be grateful to sign up for graduate school classes and choir and mandolin lessons again. I will be grateful to once again be more involved in my grown daughters' lives. I will be grateful in the spring to make those college visits that Katie and I have had to postpone. I will be grateful to have the energy to celebrate my parents' 50th anniversary in March. I will be grateful to celebrate Katie's graduation in May, and to decide what to do with 17 years of homeschooling materials! I will be grateful to be able to help others who are weak and hurting. I will be grateful just to wake up in the morning and know that if there is something I want to do, I will be able to say to myself, "I Can!"
Again, thanks for encouragement, prayers, books, e-mails, calls, cards.
Love, Jan

Columbus Day and Me

O.K., it makes for a great Monday holiday and a long weekend to move Columbus Day around each year, but we all know that Columbus actually discovered America (or an island close by) on October 12th (at least those of us who went to school when they were ALL traditional schools.

Tomorrow is October 12th, and I feel like Columbus setting sail for the unknown in Chemo 3#. Will I have different side effects this time? Will it be harder or easier? Will I bounce back sooner or later? Will that wonderful Procrit shot that they've promised me tomorrow boost my hemoglobin and make me feel like a new woman? Will I have bone pain from the Neulasta that boosts my white count? Once I did and once I didn't. The only sure thing is that I will be halfway through and that I won't lose any more hair.

I feel like Columbus, preparing for a voyage. Thanks to the prayer warriors that responded yesterday and prayed that I would get a boost of energy - the prayer was answered! I went to my morning checkup with Bryan, and then we did banking and post office stuff. I came home with enough energy to go to lunch with Katie, buy some necessary items at the grocery, and even do a brief shopping stop with her to look at rings (this is to replace her senior ring that was stolen during the last chemo.) I came home, and after a brief nap, was able to grade Katie's work, fold some laundry, and tonight I will read Katie's schoolwork through Tuesday to know what Katie is reading and studying through that time. I refilled prescriptions that I will need to use through next weekend, paid all bills due the next two weeks, stocked up on chemo foods, and made sure that I have taken care of everything that Katie will need through next Tuesday. I even bought a Christmas present that crossed my path. Bryan is on his own here - I think at 50, he can do it! BTW, he mailed his AARP dues today - where does the time go??? I even ironed and laid out my clothes for tomorrow, because I don't do mornings very well these days, and my wig is clean. I have my i-pod Shuffle, thanks to my FBF, to listen to Christian music during chemo and the next few days when I am motionless.

According to history, Columbus made his voyage to further Christendom. I don't know that I will do that through Chemo #3, but I do pray that I will lean on Jesus and that I will be a good witness to anyone I come in contact with at Louisville Oncology tomorrow

If you are running or walking the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on Saturday, October 13th, watch for my team - They are called the G.I. Jans in my honor, and to my knowledge, they include my sisters Becky and MaryAnn, (Jennifer is out-of-town) my niece Jessica, my daughters Sarah and Katie, (Emily is out-of-town), my niece and nephew, (who are Jennifer's children) Hudson and Savannah, and there may be some Halloway kids (MaryAnn's) which might include any or all of the following: Madison, Chandler, Payton, or Caden. I think my niece Whitney is out-of-town, too, or I know she would be walking. My mom has opted not to walk due to health reasons, but she bought a "Sleep in for the Cure" t-shirt, and she is the financial backer of Team G.I. Jan. You go, girls! I will be right alongside you next year!
Once again, I know that I sound like a broken record, but I don't know how else to say it - thanks for cards, e-mails, phone calls - someone (or more than one someone) contacts me daily and it is very important to my spirits and my recovery.
Love, Jan

Fun Before Chemo #3

Bryan turned 50 on Thursday, October 4th, and we celebrated with a field party at my parents' home on Sunday afternoon, October 7th. As you can see from the photo below, the kids always have a great time playing in the field. In addition to my sisters and their families, we invited Bryan's mom, his four brothers and their families. We also celebrated birthdays for Nicky Veal, son of Eric and Denise, and Maggie Veal, daughter of Alan and Teri. In the photo on the right are some of Bryan's family: David and Nancy Veal, Alan and Teri Veal, and the birthday boy himself.

The photo above is of my parents, Bob and JoAnn Speas, and the photo to the left is of Emily, her boyfriend Hunter Cantwell, Sarah, her boyfriend Paul Disney IV, and Katie. Although it was a little warm, Tony Halloway (married to my sister MaryAnn) and my dad grilled burgers and hot dogs for everyone, and we enjoyed three birthday cakes while the birthday guests opened their gifts. Dad took all the kids (little and big) on a ride around the lake in his "chariot" that he pulls behind a tractor, and they visited the mule who lives on the other side of the lake. It was great to visit with the family and hang out for the afternoon.

Chemo #3 is Friday, October 12. Please pray for minimal side effects, God willing. My fatigue has lasted longer this time, and I am still having pain from my surgery, so I continue to ask for prayer for both less fatigue and less pain. My hemoglobin was 9.3 on the Monday after my last chemo (I think 12 is the norm), but they will not give me a shot for this until the day of my next chemo. I have been able to keep up with Katie's schooling, and I have also been able to work on her transcript and on the beginnings of the Southeast Homeschool Graduation 2008, of which I am the coordinator. Any work I can do like this helps me to feel more "normal".

I am happy that I will be half-way through my chemos after this Friday (or more like next Tuesday when I will start to wake up!)

An additional note about Sarah - her procedure may be moved back into November, because her insurance at her new job kicks in November 1, and it is much better coverage than she had before. She is currently feeling good and loving her new job.

Again, thanks for continued prayers, calls, e-mails, etc. Each one is appreciated and helps me to keep going.

Jan

How Do People Battle Cancer Without Friends?

Yesterday I was having a "yucky" day painwise and fatiguewise, and a visit to my surgeon indicated that I will have to have another small corrective surgery (cosmetic, not cancer-related) after radiation in the spring. I came home with a migraine and took my Imitrex and phenergan to sleep off the headache. While I was resting, a member of our FBF at church delivered a basket. When I awoke, Katie brought it into my room - what a treat! The class had gone together and assembled the best gift basket imaginable! Comfy socks, magazines, a beautiful mug, an assortment of teas, a variety of trail mixes, products from Bath and Body Works and Mary Kay, a book, lotions, fingernail polishes, a framed scripture, and to top it all off - an ipod Shuffle loaded with Christian music to listen to during my chemos and the days following when I can't move. I was overwhelmed and so grateful to have friends who are praying and showing me how much they care that I recover.
This was the second basket this week - earlier in the week I received a basket of inspirational books from the Dave Dravecky Outreach of Hope organization courtesy of a dear friend of mine from high school, Patti Thornton, who has just recently completed all her treatments and surgeries for breast cancer.
I think that having a good group of Christian friends is so important at a time like this. I am learning along the way how to minister to others in the future by the way I am being ministered to now by so many.
How DO people do this without friends?

Update on Sarah

Sarah will have an in-office procedure October 25th at Dr. Hubbard's (the urologist) that should end her physical struggles. She will be anesthetized and will have to take a day off work, but she should recover quickly. On Monday, October 1st, she starts working for Passport Health Care (where my sister Becky works) as a communications representative in the provider relations department. She will design brochures and write different types of communications, which is a good fit for her. Please pray that she will recover quickly and be able to adapt well to her new situation.
Thanks, Jan

While I Was Sleeping

Chemo #2 made me tired almost right away. I came home from lunch with Bryan and Katie and headed for the recliner.
When I awoke several hours later, Bryan told me that Sarah (who was on her way to a church camping trip with friends) had stopped in Shelbyville, where her battery died. While she was talking to Bryan, she felt like she was going to pass out, so she hung up and went into the Flying J, finding her boyfriend just in time to ...pass out. As her car was not running, she went by ambulance to the Jewish Emergency Center in Shelbyville, where she was treated and released for an ongoing UTI. She is still not well. She will see a urologist tomorrow to determine why she can't shake this infection. Please pray that she will heal quickly, as she starts a new job on Monday.
Saturday I gave up my game ticket and slept throughout the day. When Bryan, Katie, and my mother-in-law returned home, they reported that Bryan's car had been broken into at the game, and Katie's purse was stolen, with all of a 17-year-old's treasures: new cellphone from her birthday, gift cards, cash from teaching piano, i-pod, wallet, senior ring, car keys, Bible (with copious Revelation notes), her notes from the Perspectives class she is taking at church, and her new purse.
I continued sleeping through Sunday, Monday, and part of Tuesday. When it started raining Tuesday, I asked Katie to let the dogs in, and we realized our little Yorkie, Dicken, was missing. We found him yesterday in a neighbor's yard - he had been mauled by another neighbor's large dog. The girls are coming out tonight, and we plan to bury him on my parent's property.
Things to be thankful for - this chemo was more tiring, but no bone pain from the shot. Katie's things are just things, and between the insurance company and my sisters and parents, we are working to replace her things. My mom and sister, Becky, both medical people, are helping Sarah with her doctor's appointments - being there with her for moral support. And I know so many are praying - thanks for your messages on the phone and e-mail while I was unable to respond.
I have need for prayer for pain and for fluid that still collects in my abdomen as a result of my surgery. I think it can possibly continue for months, and it is difficult to function sometimes because the fluid buildup becomes so painful as the day wears on. I also have trouble with depression on the chemo days when I can't move. I feel very useless and ugly - not the standard set for women in our society.
Thanks again for continued prayers.

Waking Up in the Middle of a Boxing Ring

This is a quote from Stepping into the Ring by Nicole Johnson. The book was given to me by a friend recently.
"Finding out I had cancer was like going to sleep in my own bed and suddenly waking up in the middle of a boxing ring. Out of the clear blue I am standing toe-to-toe with the Heavyweight Champion of the World, the crowd is looking on, and I am in my pajamas and don't even know how to throw a punch....The only choice was whether or not to go forward. I could keep standing there, literally getting killed, or I could begin to fight back."
My port was placed yesterday, I am black and blue, very sore, and tomorrow is chemo. I feel like the punches are coming too quickly, but I can only move forward if I want to win.
Don't get me wrong; I am thankful that there are medical advances that make it possible to defeat this disease, but none of it is simple or easy, and there is no turning back.
Again, I thank you for your prayers. Please pray that the side effects from tomorrow's chemo will be minimal, God willing. I would ask prayer for my family again, too. I know this is not easy for them.
I'll probably post next when I feel better after Chemo #2 - I will be a third of the way through chemos then! That is something to celebrate.

Just a Reminder to Pray Tomorrow

I'm having my port placed at BHE tomorrow. I arrive at the hospital at 12:30 and the procedure is scheduled for 2:30. I think it takes about 30 minutes, and then I will spend an hour or two in the recovery room. Please pray for peace and strength for me - I truly feel the power of your prayers and it does make a difference.

Assignment: Fun

I was told by my oncologist, Dr. Janelle Seeger, that she expected me to do something fun between each treatment, and that she would be asking me what I had done.
Katie turned seventeen on Friday. Sarah arranged for us to eat dinner at an Italian restaurant in the Highlands called Le Gallo Rosso. I don't speak Italian, but I am told that this means "the red chicken". We were joined by Paul Disney, Sarah's boyfriend, and Whitney Ott, Katie's best friend.
Paul's mother, Nancy Disney, was kind enough to bake Katie's birthday cake, which we enjoyed after dinner at home, and we were welcomed home to a yard full of balloons "planted" by Anne Jones and family.
On Sunday, the birthday celebration continued at my parents' home. They live on twelve acres with a two-acre lake outside of JTown, and we have parties in their back field in the fall and spring. We celebrated Katie's birthday again, in addition to my daughter Emily's (20), my niece Whitney's (21) and my Mom's (not telling). In addition to Bryan and I, my parents, my three sisters, two of their husbands (one was straggling home from the UK/UL game), a son-in-law (Becky's), a prospective son-in-law (also Becky's), and twelve grandchildren were in attendance. My brother-in-law, Wendell, grilled out, and we had a bonfire, too. The kids played in the field and on the tractor and rode around in cousin Zack's new Jeep. It was a beautiful, relaxing day!
Sarah joined Katie and me in watching a movie afterwards at home.
There is nothing like being with family!

Could Use Some Prayer

I'm just feeling very weary/teary tonight.
I am trying to keep up with Katie's senior year. She is working very hard. We picked up her senior pictures today and they are gorgeous! She is so good about doing her work diligently without complaining, but I like to keep up by reading what she is reading, etc. and I sometimes find it hard to do because of fatigue and pain. I'm so glad that she is with me this year - I think we will have a "lifetime bond" over our experiences together this year that will strengthen our mother/daughter relationship.
I want to do the basics, like some laundry and meal prep, which just means putting in the frozen meals we have been given. Even these small things tire me.
I am having a port put in next week, Wednesday, September 19,at Baptist Hospital East and I am just not wanting to return to the O.R. there, even for something small.
Everyone has been so kind to pray and help in practical ways, but the road ahead just looks very long to me right now. I appreciate every call, e-mail, card, etc. more than you can know. Sometimes it is what gets me through the day.
I would especially covet your prayers for peace for next Wednesday, and for Friday when I get my second chemotherapy treatment. I would also like for you to pray that the pain from my surgery would start to subside. I am still having to take quite a bit of pain medication, and I would like to be able to cut back on that.
Again, thanks so much for your prayers and expressions of love.
Jan

No Hair Day

Today when I arrived at Changes Hair Salon to have my head shaved, I was joined by my Mom, sisters Jennifer, MaryAnn, Becky, and my daughter Sarah (left to right around me in the second picture on the right, sporting my new wig!) My mom and sisters wore their "do rags" in support of my new look. (I'm so glad they didn't shave their heads!).

Terri Metzler is my stylist, and she did a great job of giving me a buzz haircut and helping me to fit my wig. Mom, Sarah and sisters kept the shop conversation lively so there were no tears. The girls have dubbed me "G.I. Jan" after the "G.I. Jane" look that Demi Moore popularized a few years ago. After we finished at the salon, Mom treated us all to brunch at Cracker Barrel (top photo). All in all, it wasn't too bad - a great family can make even tough times fun!

Accepting Fatigue

Following my little burst of energy to go out to dinner with Bryan, I relapsed into a fatigue that has remained. My friends who have gone through this type of chemo tell me that the second week is better, and that they feel almost normal the third week before the next treatment is given.

I have never lived my life in a way that required a nap between breakfast and my morning shower (except maybe as an infant) but that has been the routine this week. I may have an hour of energy followed by an hour of sleep that goes pretty much throughout the day.

Needless to say, I did not go to the Cards game Thursday night. I did stay awake through about an hour of it, and I knew that Bryan would wake me up if Hunter got to play. Fortunately the UK/UL game is away and only on TV for us next week, so the pressure is off to try to go anywhere for that game!

I went out for ice cream Friday evening compliments of my sister Jennifer - I am beginning to categorize ice cream as a food group of its own.

I went to church Saturday night for the first hour, and then went with Bryan, Katie and my mother-in-law, Jean, to Fazolis. The fettucine alfredo tasted almost normal!

By the way, if you see me pass on the communion plate at church, I have not committed an unpardonable sin - it's the immunity "thing". I'm also not too quick to shake hands or hug, although I have not given in to wearing the mask yet.

I may not be back in choir until spring, due to fatigue and immunity issues, but I am excited about being a part of the backstage choir for the 2008 Easter Pageant.
I do miss my library science coursework and look forward to beginning that again, maybe in the spring.

Fortunately for me, my life does not require much of me this fall semester. Katie completes her schoolwork for the most part on her own and discusses her work with me, and I am in the process of writing out her plans through December before my next treatment so that we will not risk getting behind. I am also working on the Southeast Homeschool Graduation as I can, mostly compiling information at this point. Fortunately, not much happens for that event until after the new year, at which time my energy levels (and hair) should begin to return.

Not much is required of me as a homemaker, either. My freezer is literally filled with meals from friends, we have a basket of gift cards, and Bryan and Katie have become an efficient housecleaning/laundry/grocery shopping team. It has been fun watching them "bond". My mom, Bryan or Katie drive me wherever I need to go.

The treatments to cure this disease I think are particularly hard on women in our society, who are valued by our culture for their beauty and productivity. I have to keep two scriptures in mind:
For beauty -
I Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
For productivity -
Micah 6:8 -
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
I am daily learning to humble myself before this fatique and the changes in my appearance.
As always, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Jan

Thanks, Kind Friend!

Last night I felt that I had enough energy to leave the house with Bryan for a dinner close by. We live down the street from a Cracker Barrel, and thought there would be enough variety on the menu for something to taste good to me. I did indulge in a couple of vegetables and a biscuit or two and they tasted good. Almost as soon as we had placed our order, one of the other servers came over and told us that our check had been taken care of by another customer. Thank you, kind friend! It is these acts of kindness that encourage us on this long and unexpected journey.
A visit to the plastic surgeon today confirmed that I am healing on schedule. He did note that chemotherapy would slow the healing process, but all looks good now. I may actually leave the recliner where I have been sleeping since my surgery and return to a regular bed with the help of a wedge.
My diet consists mostly of scrambled eggs, toast, popsicles, and sherbet and ice cream, washed down with plenty of gingerale. I am hoping to want a steady diet of some real food in the next few days.
I received a card from a friend who has been faithful to send me several cards of encouragement. She said that I had been spotted around Southeast periodically when I was able (our church has an attendance of about 20,000) and she compared it to "Elvis sightings" - I got a laugh out of that.
I have to put in a plug for my "day nurse". Katie is faithful to complete her school assignments per my written instructions, in addition to keeping laundry going, caring for pets, going to the grocery, helping with meals and driving me to some of my appointments. This is not the senior year I had in mind for her, but she is proving to be a mature, loving daughter during a difficult time. Sarah and Emily come as often as they can to help out, too.

I'm Back!

It is Tuesday afternoon, and I am starting to feel like myself again. No nausea, just extreme fatigue. I had a couple of couch potato days, to say the least. The worst part was probably a shot they gave me called Nulasta, which was to boost my immune system. It caused bone pain and flu-like symptoms. Anyway - one down and five to go!
So many of you called and left messages to let me know that you were thinking of and praying for me. I also received a number of cards and e-mails. Thank you so much - I know that I am not in this alone.
There are a few who are routinely sending me cards, and I want you to know that they seem to come at just the right time - God Bless You!
Jan

My first treatment

My first treatment was about 4 1/2 hours today. Bryan came with me for support (and discovered they have great snacks, so I am confident that he will return!) I am tired, but I can't blame it all on the treatment.

I went to the UL football game last night, determined to see Hunter Cantwell, my daughter Emily's boyfriend and the backup quarterback play, and I was not disappointed. I thought it would be a fun thing to do and it would take my mind off the chemo. It distracted me, but I think it wore me out, too!

The good news is that I am not allergic to Taxotere, as some are, so my treatments can be completed in full. They run this bag at 2 hours the first time to watch for allergic reaction. From now on, that bag will run in 1 hour, which will make the day shorter.

The news I did not want to hear is that I will need a port, due to lack of great veins. This is probably good news, because it will shorten treatments and lessen stress in looking for those veins each time. I will have outpatient surgery on Wednesday Sept. 19 to "install the port" at BHE.

I am told the hair will go in 10 - 14 days, so I have scheduled my "head shaving" with the girl who does my hair on September 11. She will help me learn how to wear my wig. If I get brave, I will have someone take a picture. If not, I will just cry a little and move on to the next step!

Your calls, cards, meals, gifts, prayers are overwhelming - I can't thank you enough or tell you how loved I feel right now.

Jan

My Doctor's Visit Today

I went for a pre-chemo visit with my oncologist, Dr. Janelle Seeger. We are ready to go at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, August 31st. The treatment will take about 4 hours. The good news I received today was that my PET scan (which looks for cancer anywhere in the body), my CT scan of the abdominal area (checking especially for liver involvement) and my bone scan were each clear! We are just working now to wipe out any microscopic "bad guys" that can't be picked up on scans.
I am asking for prayer that my side effects will be minimal, and that I will stay on schedule with these and get to finish before Christmas.
My family has been wonderful, and so many friends have brought meals or meal cards, visited with me and prayed with me and for me. Cards still arrive in the mail daily, and I love to read and re-read them. It has been a blessing to see how kind people are when someone is in need.
Of my own strength, I cannot do this, but I am trusting God to give me what I need to complete my treatments.
Thanks to all for your many kindnesses since my diagnosis.
Jan

First Date - Rescheduled!

Mom will have her first chemotherapy treatment on Friday, August 31th. It has been moved back a day so that Dad can be with her for the four hours of treatment. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power! Please pray that He continues to preserve and strengthen this quality in us!
Please ask for a smooth chemo experience for Mom, as we are all hoping she will avoid (or have minimal) sickness and fatigue! Thank you for your continued prayers!

Chemo Prep

Another big week for Mom! She learned from her oncologist last Wednesday that she will begin chemo in about three weeks. She will have six treatments of chemo, each three weeks apart. When she's finished with that, she will have four to six weeks of daily radiation. After radiation she will continue to take an oral for five years called Tamoxifen and for five years after that she will take another oral called Femara.
Last Saturday, to prepare for the on-going treatments, Mom and I went accessory shopping. She got the most beautiful blonde wig (which looks just like her natural hair except more blonde!) and we sent away to have a silver bracelet engraved with the "no needle, no blood pressure" warning for her right arm (the one they took the lymph nodes from). I am happy to say that Mom has not lost any of her abilities to shop!
Yesterday Mom had a minor outpatient procedure to repair the site where her incision was not healing as well as it should. She only had local anesthetic but she didn't feel a thing during the procedure and was in no pain last night!
Unfortunately, she did not get rid of her remaining drains yesterday (as she had hoped) but will most likely have them removed tomorrow. Just one more day!
Mom will continue with a series of tests and body scans for the oncologist today. She already had one on Monday and will have two more today. Please pray for good results on these tests! We will all be relieved to hear the results.
She is also asking prayer for courage for herself as she begins chemotherapy. I am also asking prayer for our whole family. I have had a kidney infection this week and my sister Emily is also very sick right now. Please pray for ALL of us to remain healthy and strong so that we can be there for our Mom!
Thanks again for the prayers, meals, visits, and the general waves of love that continuously roll in our direction!
-Sarah

Small Comforts and Daily Milestones

Every little achievement is a great big joy for us. Mom passed several milestones in the last week, including her one week out from surgery and her ten days out from surgery (which is a notoriously tough milestone). She also got permission to return to a couple of personal comforts (such as shaving her legs and wearing deodorant). We celebrated each of these moments with smiles, jokes, and congratulations!
One of Mom’s goals is to have some “normal” time before she must begin her chemotherapy treatments. Every step along the way will bring her closer to feeling like herself. Please pray that she will recover quickly so that she can have some wonderful, 'regular old days' before the chemo!
Mom will have her first oncologist appointment this Wednesday at 1:40pm with Dr. Janell Seeger. This is another item to keep in your prayers. At that time Mom will find out about her chemotherapy regime and what it will entail. Let’s hope and pray that this Wednesday’s appointment will be encouraging and uplifting to Mom, even though the subject of chemo is scary.
Another topic that needs prayer is some bruising that has shown up around one of Mom’s incisions. Her plastic surgeon will be watching it and, if it doesn’t improve, she may have to have another procedure to repair that spot. Please pray that it will heal up just fine on its own!
I’d like to finish with a gigantic THANKS to everyone who has been behind our family in this last week. The prayers, visits, meals, songs, e-mails, comments, hugs, cards, flowers, and scriptures have flowed continuously from you! I hope that you will be blessed double what you have supplied us (because that will absolutely knock you over)!
-Sarah

Home Again

Mom came home yesterday! Her room is covered in posters of scripture and pink balloons. She is so much more comfortable now and her positive outlook has returned (thanks for your prayers yesterday!). The weekend brought news that several of her lymph nodes were involved and chemotherapy will be necessary. This information was discouraging to us, but hasn't kept us down! After all, our God is bigger than a diagnosis and we know that He continues to be at His work. The Healer is healing and restoring! Amen. Continue to pray that Mom's cancer is gone!
With an eight week recovery ahead, we are looking for ways to continuously encourage Mom and to "drench her" in prayer and the promises of scripture. To those of you who have generously been seeking opportunities to help out, now is the time! There are two calendars for volunteer services: one for prayer visits and one for meal deliveries. Food will be wonderful and a huge help, but the prayer visits will be our true sustaining power! To volunteer a date for either of these two services, please see the sidebar to the right. Just pick a date and e-mail or call to let me know when you can come by.
Please continue to bathe Mom and our family in your prayers! Ask the Lord to fulfill His promises to her and to restore her health! We are so grateful for your non-stop, loving support.

-Sarah

Surgery a Success

Mom came through her seven hour surgery yesterday at Baptist East and is doing great! Reports from both surgeons were very positive. She had a two and a half hour recovery but was admitted to her own room by about 6:30pm.
During the surgery, the doctors were checking for any evidence of cancer cells in Mom’s lymph nodes. Three pathologists had to examine her sentinel lymph node (the node that the cells would have reached first), but the reports were inconclusive regarding the presence of any cancer cells. This is really great! If the pathologists couldn’t find any, then there are few to none! Just to be careful, the surgeons took about ten other lymph nodes to examine for the presence of cancer cells. Please pray that those nodes are completely cancer free!
Mom felt no pain last night and was crystal clear in conversation, telling stories and asking all kinds of questions. Her spirits are high. She is so relieved to be cancer free!
As we expected, she has already made friends all over the hospital. She is instantly personable with everyone and they love her. Mom even met a recovery nurse who quilts and they exchanged phone numbers so that Mom can go to the nurse’s house later to see her quilts!
Mom is being so brave. We know it is your prayers that are carrying her right through. Thanks to everyone who has been praying for her protection, comfort, and healing! It means so much to Mom and to our family. Keep it up!
Mom will probably be staying at the hospital through Monday or Tuesday, but may get to come home as early as Sunday. She is not to have visitors while at the hospital, but she can feel your continuing prayers! Cards and flowers can be directed to our home at 6605 El Toro Court, Louisville, KY, 40291.

-Sarah