I am starting to come back after Chemo #3. I was thrilled that no one went to the hospital, was robbed, or mauled by a large dog during this chemo. (See While I Was Sleeping).
Day Three is usually my worst day, and it wasn't too bad, so I thought I was getting by with something - then Day Four proved to be the day this time. That was yesterday, and I was basically motionless for the day. I have a hard time with this motionless "thing" - I don't do it well. While I was motionless, I thought of all the things I want to do when my treatments are over and I regain my energy.
I will be grateful to get up to an alarm, shower, eat breakfast, and have a regular day. I will be grateful to give my house a really good cleaning and decluttering, reorganize these "empty nest" rooms, do my laundry, weed my garden, and cook things that will actually taste yummy when I eat them! I will be grateful to eat at some of my favorite restaurants again. I will be grateful to get in my car and drive to Walmart and walk around as long as I want without thinking how far it is to walk to the entrance of the store or my car. I will be grateful for no bad hair days - it can't be possible to have bad hair days once you've been bald. I will be grateful when my body has recovered enough that I can feel fairly normal and walk and swim laps again - I miss the water terribly. I will be grateful to sign up for graduate school classes and choir and mandolin lessons again. I will be grateful to once again be more involved in my grown daughters' lives. I will be grateful in the spring to make those college visits that Katie and I have had to postpone. I will be grateful to have the energy to celebrate my parents' 50th anniversary in March. I will be grateful to celebrate Katie's graduation in May, and to decide what to do with 17 years of homeschooling materials! I will be grateful to be able to help others who are weak and hurting. I will be grateful just to wake up in the morning and know that if there is something I want to do, I will be able to say to myself, "I Can!"
Again, thanks for encouragement, prayers, books, e-mails, calls, cards.
Love, Jan
My son, attend to my words; consent and submit to my sayings. Let them not depart from your sight; keep them in the center of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh. Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:20-23
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
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