The Rollercoaster

I feel like I am on a rollercoaster, both physically and emotionally. I could do almost nothing Monday and Tuesday, but felt better Wednesday, so I went back to choir for the first time. I want to sing backstage at the Easter Pageant this year. I enjoyed seeing everyone, but boy did I ever crash on Thursday. By Friday evening I felt well enough to celebrate Sarah's birthday (she is 24 on Monday) at the Bristol with our family. Then I woke up this morning totally drained again and did nothing until time for church. I am hoping to have more energy tomorrow. I think my expectations were very high - too high - for regaining my strength after chemo. I pictured driving myself to next week's doctor's appointments and just being able to do more. It does not look like this is going to happen, so once again, I have lined up drivers. I don't know what I would do without Katie, Bryan and my mom to take me to all these appointments!
I have realized that I am going to have to continue to be very patient about the healing process, and this is hard for me to accept.
I am also very teary - I am guessing that is a result of the loss of estrogen in my body over a very short period of time, plus the accumulated frustration of six months of this process with the end still months away. I have days that I cry off and on almost all day, and the direst thoughts come to my mind. I really have to work at redirecting my mind, which I usually don't do on my own, but with the help of my family.
I know that I am going to get well, but at a slower rate than I expected.
Thanks for continued prayers, cards, and e-mails.
Jan