Accepting Fatigue

Following my little burst of energy to go out to dinner with Bryan, I relapsed into a fatigue that has remained. My friends who have gone through this type of chemo tell me that the second week is better, and that they feel almost normal the third week before the next treatment is given.

I have never lived my life in a way that required a nap between breakfast and my morning shower (except maybe as an infant) but that has been the routine this week. I may have an hour of energy followed by an hour of sleep that goes pretty much throughout the day.

Needless to say, I did not go to the Cards game Thursday night. I did stay awake through about an hour of it, and I knew that Bryan would wake me up if Hunter got to play. Fortunately the UK/UL game is away and only on TV for us next week, so the pressure is off to try to go anywhere for that game!

I went out for ice cream Friday evening compliments of my sister Jennifer - I am beginning to categorize ice cream as a food group of its own.

I went to church Saturday night for the first hour, and then went with Bryan, Katie and my mother-in-law, Jean, to Fazolis. The fettucine alfredo tasted almost normal!

By the way, if you see me pass on the communion plate at church, I have not committed an unpardonable sin - it's the immunity "thing". I'm also not too quick to shake hands or hug, although I have not given in to wearing the mask yet.

I may not be back in choir until spring, due to fatigue and immunity issues, but I am excited about being a part of the backstage choir for the 2008 Easter Pageant.
I do miss my library science coursework and look forward to beginning that again, maybe in the spring.

Fortunately for me, my life does not require much of me this fall semester. Katie completes her schoolwork for the most part on her own and discusses her work with me, and I am in the process of writing out her plans through December before my next treatment so that we will not risk getting behind. I am also working on the Southeast Homeschool Graduation as I can, mostly compiling information at this point. Fortunately, not much happens for that event until after the new year, at which time my energy levels (and hair) should begin to return.

Not much is required of me as a homemaker, either. My freezer is literally filled with meals from friends, we have a basket of gift cards, and Bryan and Katie have become an efficient housecleaning/laundry/grocery shopping team. It has been fun watching them "bond". My mom, Bryan or Katie drive me wherever I need to go.

The treatments to cure this disease I think are particularly hard on women in our society, who are valued by our culture for their beauty and productivity. I have to keep two scriptures in mind:
For beauty -
I Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
For productivity -
Micah 6:8 -
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
I am daily learning to humble myself before this fatique and the changes in my appearance.
As always, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Jan